I don’t consider myself to be a writer, but today I just can’t seem to contain the words; they need to flow out of me. I pray that God would take our words and our experiences, meager as they are, and use them for His purposes.

Almost exactly three years ago, my husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer. It was one of the blackest days of my life. Our God and our community were so faithful to uphold us as Clay went through chemo, two surgeries, confusion, fear, and the loss of some of our dreams. It was a place of huge growth for us, but still a place that we were eager to leave behind.

This week Clay had his follow up CT scan, and today we went to his appointment with Dr. Yeilding. Aside from a few lingering side effects from the surgery (mild lightheadedness/dizziness), Clay has been doing great. Dr. Yeilding said that the scan showed no evidence of metastatic disease. I said, “So would you say he’s cancer free?” Dr. Yeilding replied, “I would say that he’s not only cancer free, but cured.” We have waited so long to hear that, but as much as we thank our gracious Father, we were reminded today that medicine is not where our hope lies. A member of our church family went home to heaven last night after years of battling cancer. And as Dr. Yeilding rejoiced with us about the news of Clay’s scan, he mentioned that another patient of his received a really poor prognosis. Although we don’t know this patient personally, or even know his name, he was also diagnosed with testicular cancer and Dr. Foster operated on him. He underwent the same procedure, at the same time, as Clay did; but his cancer was a different cell type and surgery and treatment aren’t working. It was really humbling to hear that another young man with Clay’s diagnosis probably would not survive.

I’ve been thinking a lot today about the fact that our life here on earth is really only “the title page” as C.S. Lewis said. It is amazing to think that our church member was here yesterday, suffering, and is now whole, and in perfect communion with the One she was created for. I don’t understand why my sweet husband was spared, and so many others aren’t. I don’t understand God’s plan so much of the time, but I rejoice in the fact that He has conquered death, through His son’s sacrifice.

“He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people He will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken.” Isaiah 25:8

Amen and amen! All praise to our Savior King.

Your prayers have sustained us over the past three years. We thank God for you all, and love you-

Lauren

I am feeling much better and I have been out of hospital #2 for almost two weeks now. Things are working like they should for the most part. I got my staples out a week ago and I don’t miss them at all. It turns out that having an incision from below your sternum to below your belly button requires a large number of staples to keep it closed. My oncologist is very happy with the results of the surgery and believes that I am cancer free. I am a little hesitant to go there with him, but I have another appointment in April and will have a CT scan shortly after. I think that if the April scan comes back clean, then I’ll believe it. It really is hard to walk by faith and not by sight. (see 2 Cor 5:6-7)

My energy level is slowly returning to were it was before surgery. I still get pretty tired in the afternoons. I am very thankful for my employer. They have been very understanding through this whole process and have been great about working with me.

It turns out that healing from major abdominal surgery is hard work. I don’t think that my expectations were realistically set for how long it would take to get back to my pre-surgery baseline.

I do want to take a minute and thank everyone who was with me through the past few weeks. I especially want to thank my wife, Lauren, for walking with me every step. I also want to thank Lauren’s dad and sister and my mom and aunt for making the trip to Indy with us. I know it was a comfort for both of us to have family there. I also want to thank all the people who partnered with us in prayer. God used your prayers to sustain us and keep us encouraged when our faith was weak. I have been overwhelmed by the number of people who have told us that they prayed and are still praying. We truly appreciate you.

Grace & Peace,

Clay

I am pretty tired tonight, but I did want to write a brief update. Everyone has been so kind about checking with us and praying, so I am doing my best to keep you informed.

I hope everyone had a good Valentine’s Day; I was thankful to be able to see my hubby, although the setting wouldn’t have been my choice! Dr. Yeilding came to see Clay this morning and made some changes to his care plan. He put Clay on a medicine called Reglan, which both helps to control nausea and hopefully will stimulate his bowels also. He is getting it every six hours via IV. He is also getting fluids and electrolytes, since he hasn’t really eaten anything substantial in a week. Dr. Yeilding also started him on clear liquids today. He was positive and encouraging about the ileus resolving fairly quickly, so that was uplifting for us.

Clay drank some clear liquids and ate a few bites of broth, popsicle and jello today. His appetite still isn’t good, but at least he is able to tolerate a little bit of food without vomiting! He is still pretty uncomfortable, though. He also walked more today, and one positive is that his pain level and mobility are much improved since the surgery. He doesn’t have much endurance, though, and gets tired easily.

I used this verse in Psalms as the title of this post because I need to hang on to this promise today. Clay and I were both discouraged today, so ready for him to feel better and to come home. He was telling me that he doesn’t understand God’s plan right now, and I am struggling with that as well. Like the psalmist, we are struggling and wrestling with God’s purposes, but by God’s grace He continues to point us back to the truth that He is sovereign and good. I HATE this cancer more than ever, but I have to hold on to the promise that God is love, and He is good. He is the ultimate lover of our souls. Now that is a reason to celebrate Valentine’s Day!

Love,

Lauren

Clay was just discharged from the hospital and we are back at the hotel. He was able to take a shower for the first time, and I think he feels more human now! He is still pretty sore and it will definitely take a while for him to build up his endurance, but he has made a lot of progress. Once again, we can’t tell you what your prayers and encouragement have meant to us!

Clay was able to walk some more this morning. He is able to get around with less discomfort, although it will be a while before he can walk without any discomfort. He has a really long incision from his chest to his belly button, with a lot of staples. He also still has a drain in his abdomen, which he will have to travel home with; the doctor says we can remove it ourselves when the output is less (meaning the blood and fluid it is draining from his abdomen). He still doesn’t have much of an appetite and will have to stick to bland foods for a while. He was having some problems with the pain medication, so the nurses told him that he could just alternate Tylenol and ibuprofen, as well as nausea medicine when needed. He will have the staples removed in two weeks, and of course he has restrictions about lifting and driving for a while.

We will leave Indiana tomorrow morning and start the drive home, travelling with Clay’s mom; not sure how far we will get! We will just have to see how Clay is feeling and decide if we need to stop. I’m so ready to get home, and I know we are both missing our son. Missing all of you too!

I am so thankful for the excellent care that Clay has received here, and in Birmingham. Our gracious Father has definitely watched over him during this surgery and recovery. Please pray for the trip home, that his discomfort would be minimized as much as possible and we wouldn’t have any complications.

Love,

Clay and Lauren

I am so appreciative of all the support I have received through this blog and other forms of communication.  I know your prayers are one of the reasons I am doing as well as I am.

The doctor just came by and said everything is going well.  He inquired if I would be interested in being released tomorrow if tonight continues to go as well as today.  He said he would be by early in the morning to talk more about it.

Much love,

Clay and Lauren

Before I start this post, Dr. Einhorn just came in to say that Clay’s pathology report came back, and the tumor was pure teratoma. That is great news, because he expects that the surgery will be a 100% cure, and that Clay will not need any more treatment! We are praising God that He led us to this team of doctors and that the surgery was curative! God has been faithful to us throughout this whole process.

Clay has had a good day, relatively speaking- praise God for that! The doctors came around this morning and recommended that he sit up some and have clear liquids. He sat up twice in the chair today and did pretty well moving around, although it is painful to move. He was a little nauseated this morning, but he was able to drink lunch and keep it down. He still needs medicine for nausea and pain medicine fairly frequently, especially since his pain block has worn off now. His pain has been manageable, though.

We are so thankful that he was able to come to IN for the surgery; the doctors and nurses are taking great care of him! The nurse just removed the central line in his neck, so these are all good signs. The surgeon said that today will probably be his worst day, in terms of pain.

Clay wants me to thank you all again for your prayers and encouragement to us. We appreciate all the support from home and hope to be back soon!

Love,

Clay and Lauren

Clay is in a regular room now, and the doctors placed a pain block in his back to help with the pain for the next 18 hours or so. He has had some discomfort, but no significant pain or nausea. He isn’t allowed to eat yet, which he isn’t happy about! My hubby loves to eat. He also has a drain in his abdomen to keep fluid from building up in his abdomen. Dr. Foster said that he will likely travel home with the drain, and we can just remove it ourselves; it’s just a small incision. Crazy what modern medicine can do!

I’m so incredibly thankful to our gracious Father for watching over Clay, and we are once again completely overwhelmed by the fellowship of believers. I know that I could feel your prayers today as I waited. We really can’t ever thank you enough for the encouragement that you are to us.

Praying that this surgery and recovery are the end of our journey with cancer, and that maybe somehow God will use this story! Please continue to pray for a smooth recovery for Clay. We will keep you posted, and I will try to get Clay to write a blog when he is more awake.

“Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of Creation; O my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation…”

Much love,

Clay and Lauren

We arrived in Indiana safely yesterday, and today Clay had his appointments with Dr. Einhorn and Dr. Foster, the surgeon. Dr. Einhorn spoke with us briefly about the tumor; he feels that it is likely either a slow-growing seminoma or a teratoma. Either way, he expects that the surgery will likely remove most or all of the tumor, and he does not think that Clay will need chemo again. Praise for that!

Dr. Foster was intense but patient with our questions. We felt that he was very knowledgeable. Clay’s surgery is the only surgery scheduled for tomorrow, so that he can take as much time as he needs. That is definitely a blessing. He said it would be a three to six hour procedure.

Dr. Foster is going to actually remove the occluded section of Clay’s vena cava, since he has all the collaterals taking blood back to his heart anyway. He does not expect Clay to have any long term effects from the removal, especially since he has not really had any symptoms up until now. There are some potential complications regarding reproduction, which was not really surprising, but still sad.

Dr. Foster does not expect that there will be significant involvement with Clay’s aorta or with his other organs, such as his kidneys. There is a small chance that there will be some involvement, and if so, of course the procedure becomes more complicated. If there is aorta involvement, he will call in a vascular surgeon to replace Clay’s aorta, and if there is kidney involvement, he might have to remove the kidney. He doesn’t expect those things to happen, though.

Please pray that there would be no significant involvement with Clay’s other organs, and pray for little blood loss during surgery. Pray for all the people involved in the surgery; Dr. Foster, scrubs techs and nurses. Pray for me, my family and Clay’s family as we wait during the surgery. Pray for us as we are missing our son this week. Pray that we would be used as a conduit of grace and our hearts would be open to God’s will in all of this.

Clay wanted to include these last two verses: “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them [the Egyptians], for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 3:6

“It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 3:8

We are so incredibly thankful for your prayers. We will keep you posted.

Much love,

Clay and Lauren

Happy 2011! I wish this year was getting off to a better start, but we definitely feel encouraged by the prayers and concern that you guys have expressed. “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” Philippians 1:3

Clay had his arteriogram last Tuesday. The radiologist placed the catheter in his femoral vein and injected the dye to check the patency of his vena cava. Clay had a little discomfort when they placed the catheter and for a few hours afterwards, but he felt pretty good by the next day. The results weren’t unexpected, but we were hoping for better news. The radiologist showed us the film, and very little of the dye could be seen travelling through Clay’s vena cava. That means that the tumor is occluding and preventing blood flow to his heart through his vena cava. His body has recruited other veins to take blood back up to his heart, though, and those were clearly visible on the film. It’s pretty amazing how God makes our bodies to be so resilient! It was scary to hear that his vena cava is occluded, but we reminded ourselves that it has probably been slowly happening for a while and Clay hasn’t really had any symptoms.

So now we are waiting… again. We feel pretty sure that Dr. Foster will recommend surgery, especially in light of this new data, but we still don’t have a date. We are both ready to just have a plan and move forward, so we hope that we hear from the doctor’s office soon.

While we were waiting at the hospital on Tuesday, I happened across a blog that a Christian couple wrote to recount their journey of faith concerning their profoundly disabled son. The website is http://www.sweetbabyjames.info. Reading their honest account of their struggle to reconcile God’s goodness with the brokenness in this world was very encouraging to us. We were reminded that God has a sovereign plan for us. We want to pray that Clay’s surgery will go smoothly, that recovery will be quick; but while those are good prayers, our ultimate desire should be for God to glorify Himself through this situation. I am praying that I will have an open and willing heart to whatever God should do with us, even though that is a difficult prayer for me! Clay is praying with expectant hope that this will be the end of his journey with cancer. Please pray for us in these areas, and we will let you know when we hear something definite about surgery.

Love,

Clay and Lauren