Fear not, for I am with you…

Hi everyone,

I know that we haven’t been very faithful about posting updates lately, but I think that Clay and I both have reached the point of being exhausted with talking about this whole situation. I think we have become tired of our own thoughts and conversations! That said, we still so appreciate everyone who has asked about Clay and prayed for us.

So this has been a really frustrating two weeks, mostly because we are getting a lot of conflicting talk from Dr. Bolger and Dr. Einhorn. They don’t seem to be in agreement about Clay’s course of treatment. I have to say, though, that we have been so impressed with how prompt Dr. Einhorn has been with his responses and how much interest he seems to take in his patients.

So after a lot of back and forth, Dr. Einhorn has told us that he would recommend that Clay get a PET scan before his appointment on September 15 (if possible). He said that the growth of the tumor is minimal, and there is about a 50% chance that it represents nothing significant. But there is also a 50% chance that it is a progression of the seminoma, and if so, he will probably recommend another course of chemo. He does not think that the tumor will be accessible enough for surgery. So Clay needs to get the PET scan, but we found out today that Blue Cross Blue Shield won’t approve it. However, the mercy committee at Oak Mountain has offered to cover the cost of the PET scan if Blue Cross doesn’t, which is a huge blessing. Just another reminder of what an amazing gift community is in our lives. So hopefully we will try to get the PET scan scheduled for next week.

It is interesting to me that God always seems to balance Clay’s and my moods, so that we are rarely in the same emotional state at the same time. So I was upset and depressed for about a week, and this week I am feeling more hopeful, and Clay has been depressed. I’m grateful that we are not often depressed at the same time! Clay is understandably upset at the thought of going through chemo again, and it is our prayer that that will not have to happen. Clay and I confessed to our LIFE group (who, by the way, are a huge blessing in our lives) last week that we were feeling really spiritually dry. I guess what God has been showing me these past few weeks is the importance of sometimes doing what feels like just going through the motions– praying, repeating scripture to yourself, and being really transparent with the Lord. Sometimes it feels really hollow, but I think that that is the complexity involved in having an actual relationship with the Lord. I tend to fall back into legalism and beat myself up for having so little faith and being such a horrible example of a Christian, but it is also quite fascinating and incredible to me that I am allowed to be so open and vulnerable with the God of the universe. Wow!

In other news, my sister and I are participating in the Race for the Cure in October, which is a race that supports the Susan Komen Foundation to combat breast cancer. Obviously, that is a very worthy cause, but we are also participating for survivors of other kinds of cancer, especially Clay. We feel strongly about participating with other people who have struggled with the journey of cancer. Katherine and I both are supposed to raise money to go towards the foundation, so if you would like to donate to either one of us, here is the link.

http://alabamaraceforthecure.kintera.org/faf/search/searchParticipants.asp?ievent=304893&lis=1&kntae304893=C4A8181A5C874453A2EF2C6AE2A084

Please pray for peace for Clay about the prospect of more treatment, and for me too. Of course, we are praying that the PET shows that it is minimal change and he doesn’t need any more treatment. Please pray for patience for us towards one another and openness to learn what God is showing us through this time. We are still planning to go to Indiana on September 15th to just get some time to sit down and ask Dr. Einhorn all of our questions.

Thank you as always and much love,

Lauren (and Clay)