Christmas time reflection

Dear friends and family,

So time has flown, as usual, and we have been remiss in giving you guys an update for several months. Time to remedy that! Hope everyone is doing well as we enter this third week of advent. Christmas is my favorite time of year.

So part of the purpose of this blog is to inform you all that I have once again decided to let myself off the hook with Christmas cards this year. Our pastor recently preached a sermon in which he talked about the fact that Christmas cards don’t ever have a Christ-centered message these days. In fact, they probably aren’t even called Christmas cards anymore! I usually am disappointed when I try to find one that conveys the true message of Christmas. So I find that the process becomes more time consuming and stressful than joyful. That said, we love you all and appreciate your support more than we can say, and we wish you a joyful Christmas season. I have really been struck this year by the reality of Christ’s humanity and divinity, as He came to earth. Consider this our Christmas card!

We have so many things to be thankful for in terms of Clay’s health. For those of you that we haven’t spoken to, Clay’s new doctor has already been a huge blessing to us. Dr. Yeilding is such a kind person and seems to be really interested in both Clay and I as people, not just as a patient and spouse. He certainly seems to be a Christian, also. His office has already been wonderful to work with. Clay had a PET scan done in September, which showed NO cancerous cell activity. Praise God! Dr. Yeilding is still a little concerned about the size of the mass in Clay’s abdomen, so he asked about 10 different radiologists at Brookwood to review Clay’s scan. They all agreed that they would not recommend surgery, which we are certainly okay with! We are just so grateful that God has provided Clay with a doctor who has taken a personal interest in him.

Clay says that the phase that we are in now should be termed “survivorship”. We find some things still are not the same as they were before treatment, even though he finished chemo over a year ago. For example, Clay has noticed that he has less stamina than he used to, in terms of prolonged physical activity. We are sure that there will other challenges that we will face down the road, and we would appreciate your prayers for those.

That said, we have so much to be thankful for. I was thinking recently that my only prayer last summer was for strength and healing for Clay, and that I would never need anything else if God answered that. Now Clay is doing really well, and I am so quick to forget God’s answers to prayer and move on to my next request. I heard once that that reason that God repeats Himself so often in scripture is because we forget His promises so easily. It’s so true. God is so good to us!

Love to you all and merry Christmas,

Lauren (and Clay)

The whole story

Wow, I can’t believe that we have been back from Indy for two weeks, and I am just now finding time to sit down and write a more thorough update! Life never really does slow down, does it?

For those of you that we haven’t been able to see and talk to, I just wanted to write a more complete description of what Dr. Einhorn said to us. As we said, we were just so thankful to see a personable, compassionate physician. He had reviewed Clay’s latest scan, as had his urologist, and they both agreed that the minor growth was insignificant. He compared it to taking your temperature each day; it might vary from 98.6 by a few tenths either way, but that doesn’t indicate a fever. He said that some small changes are normal, and that none of Clay’s other symptoms, tumor markers, etc. indicate any kind of growth of the cancer. 

We also asked about the location of the mass. Dr. Einhorn said that he has followed patients with a mass in the same location for ten years or more after their diagnosis, and the mass usually causes no problems. He said that the mass would probably NOT change much in size, but he believes that it is just scar tissue at this point. He said that a PET scan would be helpful, but that he felt quite comfortable just doing CT scans every three months, since the PET scan didn’t work out. He also said that he felt that Clay was “probably cured”. That was worth the trip!

We are very hopeful and encouraged, but I guess still a little cautious about what the future holds. I think neither of us will feel entirely comfortable until we find out the results of this next scan. I can’t help but feel that we got some misinformation from Dr. Bolger, in several areas of Clay’s care. We talked with Dr. Einhorn about changing doctors, so Clay has an appointment tomorrow with a new oncologist at Brookwood. Please pray that that goes well. 

I have been thinking about why we went through this scare and this emotional roller coaster over these past few weeks– why God allowed it to happen. I know that God’s reasons are beyond my understanding, but maybe this happened to remind us once again of our desperate need for Christ. I am the queen of self sufficiency and wanting to do things my own way. I think sometimes it takes a major life event to break me out of my mold of selfishness and remind me of Who is in charge of every aspect of my life. I don’t know why I try to control it anyway… my way always just messes everything up. Maybe I will learn that one day.

Anyway, once again we thank God for you and your prayers, and praise Him for the good report! Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of lights…

    Much love,

   Lauren (and Clay)

No more confusion

We just left our appointment with Dr. Einhorn. We are so thankful that he is a straight shooter. He said that based on everything that he sees we should not be concerned about the minimal change in size on the CT scan and that as far as he is concerned I am most likely “cured.” He also gave us a list of other doctors we could see in Birmingham. Lauren or I will write more later, but we wanted to share this good news as quickly as possible.

Thanks be to God.

Grace & peace,

Clay

Confusion….. Revised

After two and a half weeks of back and forth with doctors’ offices, the insurance company, and a number of very helpful people, we have finally gotten an answer. Not the answer I anticipated, but an answer nonetheless. Initially both doctors said that we would need a PET/CT to determine whether the mass was active or not. Now, Dr. Einhorn has had the urologist on his team review both of my recent CT scans and he said he feels that the slight change in the tumor is not significant, meaning that it is likely a result of scar tissue from chemo. He feels that this is not indicative of progressive seminoma, so I don’t need a PET/CT.

Thank you to everyone who has labored with us as we tried to figure out what the appropriate course of action is.We love you and appreciate your prayers and hard work.

I am still kind of shell-shocked from all the uncertainty of the last three weeks. I am tired and disappointed in how all of this was handled. We are still wrestling with some healthcare decisions that need to be made. Continue to pray for this and my appointment with Dr. Einhorn on Tuesday Sept. 15. Lauren and I are emotionally exhausted from all the stress.

Grace & Peace,

Clay

Fear not, for I am with you…

Hi everyone,

I know that we haven’t been very faithful about posting updates lately, but I think that Clay and I both have reached the point of being exhausted with talking about this whole situation. I think we have become tired of our own thoughts and conversations! That said, we still so appreciate everyone who has asked about Clay and prayed for us.

So this has been a really frustrating two weeks, mostly because we are getting a lot of conflicting talk from Dr. Bolger and Dr. Einhorn. They don’t seem to be in agreement about Clay’s course of treatment. I have to say, though, that we have been so impressed with how prompt Dr. Einhorn has been with his responses and how much interest he seems to take in his patients.

So after a lot of back and forth, Dr. Einhorn has told us that he would recommend that Clay get a PET scan before his appointment on September 15 (if possible). He said that the growth of the tumor is minimal, and there is about a 50% chance that it represents nothing significant. But there is also a 50% chance that it is a progression of the seminoma, and if so, he will probably recommend another course of chemo. He does not think that the tumor will be accessible enough for surgery. So Clay needs to get the PET scan, but we found out today that Blue Cross Blue Shield won’t approve it. However, the mercy committee at Oak Mountain has offered to cover the cost of the PET scan if Blue Cross doesn’t, which is a huge blessing. Just another reminder of what an amazing gift community is in our lives. So hopefully we will try to get the PET scan scheduled for next week.

It is interesting to me that God always seems to balance Clay’s and my moods, so that we are rarely in the same emotional state at the same time. So I was upset and depressed for about a week, and this week I am feeling more hopeful, and Clay has been depressed. I’m grateful that we are not often depressed at the same time! Clay is understandably upset at the thought of going through chemo again, and it is our prayer that that will not have to happen. Clay and I confessed to our LIFE group (who, by the way, are a huge blessing in our lives) last week that we were feeling really spiritually dry. I guess what God has been showing me these past few weeks is the importance of sometimes doing what feels like just going through the motions– praying, repeating scripture to yourself, and being really transparent with the Lord. Sometimes it feels really hollow, but I think that that is the complexity involved in having an actual relationship with the Lord. I tend to fall back into legalism and beat myself up for having so little faith and being such a horrible example of a Christian, but it is also quite fascinating and incredible to me that I am allowed to be so open and vulnerable with the God of the universe. Wow!

In other news, my sister and I are participating in the Race for the Cure in October, which is a race that supports the Susan Komen Foundation to combat breast cancer. Obviously, that is a very worthy cause, but we are also participating for survivors of other kinds of cancer, especially Clay. We feel strongly about participating with other people who have struggled with the journey of cancer. Katherine and I both are supposed to raise money to go towards the foundation, so if you would like to donate to either one of us, here is the link.

http://alabamaraceforthecure.kintera.org/faf/search/searchParticipants.asp?ievent=304893&lis=1&kntae304893=C4A8181A5C874453A2EF2C6AE2A084

Please pray for peace for Clay about the prospect of more treatment, and for me too. Of course, we are praying that the PET shows that it is minimal change and he doesn’t need any more treatment. Please pray for patience for us towards one another and openness to learn what God is showing us through this time. We are still planning to go to Indiana on September 15th to just get some time to sit down and ask Dr. Einhorn all of our questions.

Thank you as always and much love,

Lauren (and Clay)

I still hate cancer

Just got back from the Kirklin Clinic. I had a CT scan and my 1 year follow-up appointment with Dr. Bolger. I first want to thank everybody who has been praying for the mass in my abdomen to shrink or disappear. Unfortunately this is not the case. The CT showed a slight growth in the mass. Dr. Bolger says he is a little concerned and is attempting to schedule a PET/CT scan to see if the growth is cancer cells. He has to submit this to the insurance company to see if they will approve it. He is pushing to get it approved and scheduled for the next two weeks. I also have a follow up with Dr. Einhorn in Indiana scheduled in the middle of September. Hopefully I can have the PET/CT before we go to see him, so he can make a call on where we go from here.

Thanks for praying and believing on our behalf. We are a little surprised by this development, but we know that God has His hand in this and we are resting in Him.

Grace and peace,

Clay

Scan news

Just wanted to update everybody on my latest news.

I have had my 9 month scan and all is well. The mass has not changed in size, which is better than it growing. I had hoped it would get smaller but Dr. Bolger reminded me that it may take years for it to shrink and eventually be completely broken down by my body. 

I also found out that I have to go back every 3 months until I reach 2 years from diagnosis. This is not exactly bad, but I don’t love spending all day at the clinic. It still surprises me how the olfactory memories I have from last summer are so strong. I hate the smell of burned coffee and the hand soap that UAB uses. 

We are also talking about making a 1 year follow up with Dr. Einhorn at IUPUI Medical Center . We want him to see my records and sign off on how things are going. We are glad that my case wasn’t bad enough to warrant treatment in Indy, but in some way I wish it had because of Dr. Einhorn’s graceful and winsome bedside manner.

Thanks for your prayers.

Grace and peace,

Clay

We’re here…

Hi everyone,

  I know that Clay and I haven’t written in forever. Bless you if you are still actually logging on every now and then! I don’t have any excuse, except that our lives are pretty crazy right now. I am still commuting to Montgomery for work (although I will be finished with my clinical fellowship time in six weeks- yay!), and Clay has been really busy with end of the school year stuff with his job. He is also leading the missions team back to Yakama this year (and I am co-leading), so we have been doing a good bit of planning for that. We can’t wait to go back and spend some time on the reservation. We’ve come to love that place and the people a lot.

  We don’t really talk about cancer much anymore, which is a blessing, because I feel like that was ALL we talked about last summer. We have said a lot of, “I’m so glad this summer isn’t going to be like last summer” and “Wow, I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since you were diagnosed”. Yesterday I asked Clay if he would do it again. He said that he wouldn’t go through the experience again voluntarily, but now that he sees on the other side how this experience changed him, he is really glad that he went through it. I don’t know that I can say that I am GLAD that he/we went through it, but I do clearly see God’s purposes. That said, praise the Lord that it is over.

  Clay does have a return doctor’s appointment this Thursday, May 14th. We hope and expect that he will receive good news (I am not going with him this time, because of work), but we still covet your prayers. It would be wonderful if the mass has gotten even smaller, and of course please pray that there has not been any growth elsewhere in his body. Right now he goes every three months, but we are hoping that eventually the doctor will change him to six month checkups, and then he will go to once a year. It would be sweet to hear the word “remission”. I don’t know how long you have to be cancer-free before they tell you that. 

As always, we love you all. We’ll let you know that results when we find out. 

  Lauren and Clay

More good news!

Just got back from a long day at the Kirklin Clinic (part of UAB). I had my six month PET scan and an appointment with my oncologist.

The  bad news is that we spent all day at the clinic. The really great new is that the results from the PET showed improvement in the size of the mass in my abdomen (meaning that it decreased). The cells are probably all scar tissue, or at least there are less cancer cells.

On the way home we stopped at the grocery store and we ran into a co-worker of mine. Her husband has multiple myeloma. After talking to her about how they’re doing, I asked her how this had changed them. She responded by saying that cancer had changed all of her priorities. We talked about how having cancer shows you where your only hope lies. In the car later, Lauren and I were talking about how hard it must be to put all of your hope in things that you can see. I am so thankful for the hope that both my co-worker and I share, the hope in Christ. I wasn’t really anxious about the appointment today, because I didn’t have to hope in a good report. Through all of the things that God has taught us and brought us through, I have learned that my hope is in the finished work of Christ. 

Praise be to God for His grace in our lives, and for all your prayers.

Clay

Good things…

God is already working well in this new year. I called the Kirklin Clinic to get a jump on Clay’s PET scan approval (I would like to take this opportunity to defend my husband- he can speak for himself, but I think that his problem is that he is too darn nice with these medical people. Having worked in a medical office, I am better at being a little more firm.) Anyway, the insurance precertification person called me back yesterday, and then today to tell me that BCBS approved Clay’s PET scan for February. That may not seem like a big deal, but considering the grief that we went through to try to get it approved in November, we are relieved! As we mentioned, the PET/CT is better than the CT alone, because the doctor will be able to tell if the tumor cells are alive, or if the chemo killed them. So pray for dead cells! That sounds gross, doesn’t it?

Clay’s appointment is February 19th, and hopefully the PET scan will be the same day. Please keep him in your prayers. He is feeling good and looking good, but I think that there is a part of us (well, of me, anyway) that won’t feel good until the doctor tells us for sure that the mass is just dead tissue.

In the meantime, God is faithful. I think He is teaching me not to look over my shoulder all the time, but to trust that there is a much bigger plan that I am not privy to. That said, this whole thing still is scary.

Got to run. I will see if I can get Clay to write an entry soon.

   Much love,

    Lauren